everything is heavy and everything is a lot. but hugo strange is forever.

[serpentinemalign]

hey, if you've messaged or replied to me, here or elsewhere, thanks for your patience. i have not been feeling much up to talking, but i am hoping to get back soon. <3

right before the big life event that has been fucking me up, i started a selfship blog, inspired by the upcoming oc x canon week... selfshipping on tumblr is weird, because you have to do so much blocking to even begin, and theres a very small community of people who do the kind of selfshipping i like and resonate with AND are happy for me to be associated with them. it seems as though my subset of selfship is generally gathered under 'yandere selfship' content, but the community is smaller than i expected.

i do want to do some pieces for oc x canon week... but it is a purely sfw event which feels like a challenge lol. i guess technically horror stuff can still be sfw and then it's just up to the organisers if they want to boost it or not.

there's lots of fun memes and prompts on tumblr. today i wrote 6000 words about my hugo fantasies based on an ask meme. no one asked for it, it was just to keep my mind busy while i dealt with some Shit emotionally. it helped to be so self indulgent! :) i am down sooooo bad and obviously i am Coping, but it feels nice to just sink into it i guess. it's probably a healthier pursuit than many.

i do feel some degree of discomfort with some of the customs of selfshipping - on tumblr at least, being happy to share f/os (fictional others) is probably less common than people being uncomfortable with sharing them. this is probably just my own discomfort rather than anything actually bad, because i get that people are permitted to set their own boundaries about that, the same way you probably don't want to follow someone who absolutely hates your favourite show and posts about that regularly. i think it's just that i used to be a fandom roleplayer, and i knew how territorial people would get over characters, and how much of the explosive drama stemmed from that. so i get a little antsy when people do that with f/os because to me it reminds me of those people lol.

i ended my daily hugo drawings yesterday because i forgot, and i always said the day that i forget is the day that i will stop. that's kind of nice in a way. i thought it would feel like failure, stopping at 24, but it didn't. it felt cool to kind of whittle down my aesthetics and figure out what makes a sketch nice to look at, for me. i'm not a person who can just easily fill an entire sketch page with smaller sketches. with my sketches or quick pieces, i want it to have the same elements of a finished piece but just messier and rougher around the edges. so i like doing backgrounds, i like spending time on the details, i like crafting compositions that are more like what you'd expect from a finished piece and stretching myself with the angles and ideas (something i felt i was lacking because i just didnt have time to do this every day, but phoning it in was a little like... well, yeah, i know i can mash a few pinterest images into a drawing of blorbo and that will help a little with observation and building my visual library, but it isn't especially exciting, and it will help me way more to be doing stuff in a more focused way). i will be posting the full set on my fanworks page on the hugo shrine.

oh yes! i did finish this erotic hypnosis piece and i am very proud of it <3

preview:

it was also one where i was like okay this is a sketch, but i'm happy for it to go up as is because i think it looks good and the concept is what was important.

i'm currently working on a comic about hugo and dollspace! i wrote the script and thumbnailed it, it's called 'meat puppet' and it's 16 pages. it's some prose meta about batman: prey and my relationship to it, with accompanying illustrations. a page of it was written while under trance. (i'm considering drawing that page, at least partially, in trance too.) i think it's gonna be pretty sexy to be honest!

that's all for now! thanks for your support and patience <3