serpentinemalign | i saw the tv glow was painfully beautiful

literally one of the best things I've seen all year

spoilers for the movie below the cut.

a few semi coherent thoughts:

the closeted trans/queer experience was SO accurate. it was interesting to see two characters who I saw a huge amount of myself in.
it brought to mind my own adolescence spent finding characters who I strongly identified with and wanted to be like but not really knowing what that meant yet. escaping into fantasy worlds of retribution and gender actualisation. wanting to be more powerful and more me than I could be at that stage.
despite the ending being so tragic and painful the ultimate message of the movie was an uplifting, sort if "don't die wondering". I hope this movie helps more people find themselves.
I also saw videodrome for the first time this year. the two films are in conversation I think. Obviously from their similar set pieces but also for their conflicting perspectives on art and identity. I think maybe New Flesh could be another perspective on gender transition or sexual self actualisation, especially given cronenbergs quite empowering comments on trans philosophy.
of course, "glow" is more sympathetic to TV, but the ultimate horror is that the show world is actually the "real" one. that one must sacrifice existence and disappear from public life, maybe every expectation of an adult under late capitalism, to live ones truth. a story untold, unseen by all but the "creator" (also the trans/queer person, which is why both leads experience narrating to the camera).
the implication is that being trans/queer in public life is untenable, and can only be expressed through finding moments of childlike wonder and beauty in art, and if you lose that you lose everything. But being in the position I'm in right now I find that the most tragic aspect of all. I am tired of having a worksona, and I am tired of having to garner scraps of joy from art but only have limited access to my own community thanks to systematic isolation. Owen/Isabel? is lost by the point they have lost all wonder and joy in art, but I also think, it's the inevitable end of a life lived in isolation. Art cannot heal all wounds, it has to be in combination with people (hence why the viewing of the pink opaque was a social event and why Maddy came back to save them. the show lost the magic when viewed alone, out of context. the big TV they lug at the end (life's good!) has become a Sisyphean boulder, the only purpose left of a life unactualised). I think in that way, the dangers are warned of becoming lost to consumption as a way of interfacing with the world. Which feels pertinent because it's exactly what im experiencing right now. I'm very grateful for this movie.